Florence is prompting this post, I LOVE her voice, its like sex to my eardrums. Tantalizing.
I thought I'd write a snippet on love, because, a) I'm completely head over heels in love and b) its absolutely amazing. Whether your in love with shoes, or writing, or sport, or animals or people, the feeling of love is like the best and most motivating feeling I've ever encountered.
I think its most important though, to love yourself before you love anyone else. Otherwise its for the wrong reasons, and you'll be loving them out of a need, rather than in deliberacy. This was my biggest lesson I've ever learnt, and I'm glad I learnt it young, so I stopped my destructive relationships and victim downfalls.
Because, needing someone is no good. You shouldn't need anyone to make you feel anything. In all honesty, and after months and months of divulging into my own consciousness did I learn that no one can inflict anything upon you, unless you give them permission, or responsibility over your feelings. You wouldn't let someone totally unworthy of your feelings make you cry, or upset.. So why give other people the credit for your happiness? You merely let them into your life, and experience alongside them, happiness, a nice connection etc.
Companionship, camaraderie, partnership, alliance, amigos, friendship, soul mates, are just decisions made with another. Which I find more romantic, than this concept of fated love. Although I'm the first to say that things happen for a reason, I also think you have to be open to the opportunity for it to come into your world. AND make the decision for it to last.
My mother mentored me these things as I was going through heartbreak after heartbreak in high school, but hey, don't most of us need to learn for ourselves before you take notice or decide to change? I certainly did. And I now admire her words, as she too has learnt the lesson, and lives it much better than me, giving space to my dad, and he the same for her. The best thing she ever said to me, while I was 'devastated' after an ended relationship, was, "would you still love him if he was a fat, balding old man in a wheelchair?", I instantly shuttered and said no. "Then don't worry about it, it's not meant to be" she replied.
As for my partner and I, were more like conjoined twins. We don't sleep apart as a rule and if the only time we meet for the day is in the morning and before bed and during sleep, then thats quite out of routine, and rare. This is the most treasured and brilliant relationship I've ever had. Its a lot of work, work I'm quite happy to be involved in, day in, day out.
This is the first romantic relationship that I've ever had thats been a partnership in the truest sense, we work together, to achieve goals, to achieve stability and to support each other every single day. We also don't need eachother, so when were together, our time spent is much more spacious, we can play in eachothers consciousness, tell jokes, get serious, talk, and have true camaraderie. Were also best friends, soul mates and choose to be together every morning, every night. There's the magic too, its not all this formulation, constructed, agreed upon relationship. Mostly, its totally whimsical, when I look at his face, I see everything I use to be, and then I see the clarity of what I've achieved with him by my side, and I'm thrilled to wake up next to him every day. Life partners and all that. He can calm my mind in the busiest moments of confusion.
If your reading this, your my home, and I love you.
So there, thats not everything I've got, but its a beginning.