destroyed.

So, I'm utterly in love with cooking, I take it very personally and its a true passion of mine. I'm quite good also. I like to do everything from scratch and tonight was no exception. I made lamb koftas from leg of lamb, spiced with cumin, paprika, chilli, rosemary and salt. With lemon and red onion, parsley, mint, lettuce, cucumber and tomatoes with a spiced yoghurt sauce. All wrapped in corn wraps (organic ofcourse, ha!).

But anyway, it was delicious etc etc. I saved some for my boyfriend, some of the salad, the accompaniments and the skewer of lamb. Then, I look up, and see my brother take ONLY the lamb off the plate and stuff it in his face. I almost died.

FUCK! I saved it for someone who'd appreciate it, ACTUALLY has a palate and enjoys my cooking. I had to stop myself from crying. I don't know if anyone else in the world feels these sort of thigns when it comes to food. I feel like I had something stolen from me. I yelled at him, but thats never satisfying, he doesnt care. Its like, you save up for your dream pair of shoes and as you go into the store where the last pair IN THE WORLD lies within your grasp, some fat, completely unstylish girl buys them then throws them in the rubbish bin as soon as she gets home. Agh, this is such a whinge. But I feel better-ish. I'd feel better if my boyfriend had my kofta in his mouth, as weird as that sounds. I wanted the enjoyment for him, as my brother is a brut and wouldn't get it. He snarled at the salad too. skjdlakd.

I love cooking, I hope someone else gets it.

Love. Part One.

Florence is prompting this post, I LOVE her voice, its like sex to my eardrums. Tantalizing.

I thought I'd write a snippet on love, because, a) I'm completely head over heels in love and b) its absolutely amazing. Whether your in love with shoes, or writing, or sport, or animals or people, the feeling of love is like the best and most motivating feeling I've ever encountered. 

I think its most important though, to love yourself before you love anyone else. Otherwise its for the wrong reasons, and you'll be loving them out of a need, rather than in deliberacy. This was my biggest lesson I've ever learnt, and I'm glad I learnt it young, so I stopped my destructive relationships and victim downfalls.

Because, needing someone is no good. You shouldn't need anyone to make you feel anything. In all honesty, and after months and months of divulging into my own consciousness did I learn that no one can inflict anything upon you, unless you give them permission, or responsibility over your feelings. You wouldn't let someone totally unworthy of your feelings make you cry, or upset.. So why give other people the credit for your happiness? You merely let them into your life, and experience alongside them, happiness, a nice connection etc. 

Companionship, camaraderie, partnership, alliance, amigos,  friendship, soul mates, are just decisions made with another. Which I find more romantic, than this concept of fated love. Although I'm the first to say that things happen for a reason, I also think you have to be open to the opportunity for it to come into your world. AND make the decision for it to last. 

My mother mentored me these things as I was going through heartbreak after heartbreak in high school, but hey, don't most of us need to learn for ourselves before you take notice or decide to change? I certainly did. And I now admire her words, as she too has learnt the lesson, and lives it much better than me, giving space to my dad, and he the same for her. The best thing she ever said to me, while I was 'devastated' after an ended relationship, was, "would you still love him if he was a fat, balding old man in a wheelchair?", I instantly shuttered and said no. "Then don't worry about it, it's not meant to be" she replied. 

As for my partner and I, were more like conjoined twins. We don't sleep apart as a rule and if the only time we meet for the day is in the morning and before bed and during sleep, then thats quite out of routine, and rare. This is the most treasured and brilliant relationship I've ever had. Its a lot of work, work I'm quite happy to be involved in, day in, day out. 

This is the first romantic relationship that I've ever had thats been a partnership in the truest sense, we work together, to achieve goals, to achieve stability and to support each other every single day. We also don't need eachother, so when were together, our time spent is much more spacious, we can play in eachothers consciousness, tell jokes, get serious, talk, and have true camaraderie. Were also best friends, soul mates and choose to be together every morning, every night. There's the magic too, its not all this formulation, constructed, agreed upon relationship. Mostly, its totally whimsical, when I look at his face, I see everything I use to be, and then I see the clarity of what I've achieved with him by my side, and I'm thrilled to wake up next to him every day. Life partners and all that. He can calm my mind in the busiest moments of confusion. 

If your reading this, your my home, and I love you.

So there, thats not everything I've got, but its a beginning. 

BANKSY.

(images via Google)

‎"Only when the last tree has been cut down, and the last river dries up to a trickle, will man finally realise that we cannot eat money, and reciting old proverbs makes you look like a twat." - Wall and Piece, 2007, Banksy.

Banksy, for me, is king of social commentary (present day). He is hilarious, and clever in his 'Brandalism' and graffiti street art. I am purchasing his book, Wall and Piece this week as I got a decent pay this week. If your interested in social commentary through art, graffiti, street art or art that provokes thought, Banksy's your man. I'm always very inspired after sitting down and reading about him, looking at his work etc. 

Bloom.

(Images via various Tumblr's.)

So, in the fear of sounding corny, SPRING HAS SPRUNG. Well, at least it did yesterday, and the day before, today looks bleek. Correction: Today is wonderful. (I just looked outside, ha!) 

In the spirit of spring, I'm going to clean my room, throw away things I no longer care for, like printed tees from last spring, wool tights etc! I'm also going shopping today to pick up some transeasonal things to kick start my new wardrobe. 'Cos September is really like coming out of hibernation, you can kick off your furrs, duffle coats, wool tights, many layers of black and grey and opt for something lighter, more colourful and dare I say it, FLORAL. (I personally do not like floral, and its kind of a bit undermining to continue to bring florals out around Spring, EVERY year, like we dont know its Spring, or that you sold this to us LAST year, but maybe in a slighly different shade.) ANYWAY, I'm excited. New clothes, more sun on my face and on my paintings, more air, less butter and sugar to keep me warm. What? Butter and sugar doesn't keep you warm? Thats probably just my food addiction. 

Pro Choice

Image via the hanging sun.

I have a serious issue with NO CHOICE people, or beliefs shall I say. I know that everyones entitled to their own opinions, but if you wonder for a while about your beliefs and whether or not if everyone believed the same thing as you did, would the world be a better or worse place? (H. Palmer)

I think in a world only one choice, which was pro choice, every one could be happier. 

I love this image, it says so much about this issue, and men. God knows men are not my favourite subject. But lets not get into that right now. Its far too long winded, and I'm hungry, and have to get up to make a point in contributing to this world. At least in some way. (always positively) Ha!